12am Thoughts

Lately, I have been reading blogs written by different people and listening to their stories have made me question a lot of things about myself. I started to become confused of the path I am currently taking and I have been constantly asking if I'm taking the right road. Frankly speaking, reading people's adventures have made me envious of their lives. I think it's normal to be jealous. I think ... we all go through that at one point in life. In comparison to others, my life seems nothing. My life is infinitesimal in relation to them. I'm not sure if it's because i'm just 19 and my everyday life has been a routine because of school. I have a schedule to follow, rules to stick by, books to read, cases to write and responsibilities I must accomplish. But then again, I chose this. What is the point of being jealous? What is the point of wasting time thinking if you were a different person or thinking if you were living his/her life?

On a personal experience,  being envious of people's lives made me realize my own faults as a person and has made me aware of the things I should focus on. More than that, envy opened my eyes to the beautiful life I currently have but I, unfortunately, have never known until now. There were three significant experiences I have gone through when I was at the top-end of being envious. (1) Through the constant struggle to be above anyone else, I reached my own downfall. (2) Through the never ending dreams of being great, I've seen myself self destruct. (3) Through the triumphs made by wrongful acts and triggered by atrocious and rotten motivations, I felt disgrace. Envy is not a win-win situation. When you become greater than everyone else, it just simply fills up a void in the internal self temporarily. The feeling of greatness subsides faster than you achieved it. When time passes by, the void needs to be filled up again and you'll need another ground where you can feed your ego. More than losing, I think it's a sad cycle to be sucked in - been there, done that. In every phase of life wherein I felt that envy was consuming me, there was one thing that helped me resurface: Gratitude. It's always about being happy and contented with the things you have. When you become thankful of the things life throws at you or when you become more resourceful and appreciative of the most important things you have in life, envy starts to become a dim light on the road while real life happiness illuminates. With that, you see the beauty of your life and equally important is the fact that you are so blessed than you could have ever imagined.

Many of us are way too focused on seeing other people's success that we forget our own progress. It's always good to pause, reminisce, reflect and keep a tracking record because it helps you remember that you are making a star out of your own, it may not yet be as bright as the way other stars twinkle, but the important part is that you're giving out your own light that makes up a bigger and beautiful picture. It's not really about how big or small you'll become...all that matters is your relevance. So move forward, look straight, focus on your goals and never be blinded or be envious by the the light of others because you have your own light that is perpetual, unyielding and significant,

Right now, I am more than inspired to be at my best all the time.

“Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed.”
Bertrand Russell

I was, before, held by the chain of rusting sins. When I saw the Light, I was set free. 


(Again, here's another random thought in the middle of the night. I'm not sure if it'll make sense.)

An anonymous Inspiration

I was browsing through my old blog and I saw this random comment on my "Angels and Demons" post where I placed down pictures of the altars and markers so that It would be easier to visualize the sculptures and churches in the book. The comment says:

This really got me, well, happy in the most unexplainable sense. I don't know and I'm not entirely sure but when I read the phrase "it was worth writing about and not just for your personal enjoyment" it hit me right through and through. It feels awesomely good to know that the things you do or the things you write about actually help people. I know for sure that maybe you think I'm the most shallow person in the world but this gave me an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and joy. To have someone appreciate your work or just give you that simple 'thank you' is strongly good enough to suffice for all the hardwork.

It's so sad though that I was only able to read this now because as you can see from the post above, it was dated a year ago and even if I reply to the person, He/she wouldn't be notified. So, I am making this post for the person, whoever he or she may be. I am utterly and genuinely overjoyed to have helped you!

I really wish one day that I can help and/or change people's lives through writing or through my blog. I hope that someday, I can be a person full of.....no, not knowledge, but wisdom. I am really waiting for that moment when I can devote my life to helping people or that time when I can release and let go of all my personal interests and live for others

The happiness that gives you tingles running down your spine, that's what everything is all about! That's what we should all aim for. Though I know it's merely impossible...I mean, even for me but (I know I'd sound like some hero from a book ) Happiness should triumph against all odds.

Snippets of Puerto Galera

I know that this isn't really the best picture of me for the whole world to see but this is the only picture I had with my mom during her Birthday so, It's worth it :) Happy birthday mom! I love you that i would seriously catch a grenade for you :)

I had to think twice before eating the two yolks... Imagine the cholesterol. That's like death by egg. haha! I ate 'em anyways.

I never knew I had such a malandi tita! hahah! Her face was all over the SLR :) But i'm happy for my tita. It's so nice to see her enjoying the life she is living right now.

This, people, is called the Tamaraw Falls. For what reason/s - I do not know. However there are statues of  Tamaraws somewhere near the bridge. I'm just not entirely sure if they placed the Tamaraw because the falls was named as such or the Falls was named Tamaraw because there are statues of the animal which happen to be near the falls. Anyway, do not mind my thoughts. I honestly love this picture of my mom with her siblings - tita beng and tito bong. This is like one of those photos you actually print and post on the fridge. :)

Haha, this picture was supposed to be his "macho ako" picture.

The Philippines is beautiful and it really is more fun here :) A friend of mine said that she just realized how beautiful the Philippines is when she went to Boracay. Yeah, she realized that after her three years of stay here in Metro Manila. Well, I wouldn't disagree because literally, I would die of pollution and traffic and bad-ass lawbreakers in the city. But each and every country has a downside and if you just look at the bigger picture - The Philippines is tremendously rich with beauty and it's just freakin gorgeous. Boracay and Puerto Galera are just a few among the many tourist spots in the country.

Anyway, the trip was for my mom's birthday and it was so timely that it was booked right after my exams. Clean fun and three days with nature. <3

Eustress

You get tired all the time and even if youve put your head in the game...at one point or another, exhaustion tells you to stop. And when you stop, its never gonna be easy to put up the same energy again.
Studying is gut-wrenching- it takes up all your energy until you can no longer process well enough to even know the difference between the state of calmness and excitement.

That's why I like being on my own sometimes...because you have to take time with yourself especially after beeing sucked deep into that hole of craziness. You have to go on a date with You to find Yourself again and to lift your body off of that mudpool of school works and emotional shake. You have to take a minute to remember who you really are and to find the reasons why you continue the things you do.

Everyone needs that lucid interval after being caught up with load of sress and (pardon my language) shit. It is vital that you spend a time of peace and calm to distress and relieve yourself of all the worries the world brings you. Because only then will you be able to regain that sense of passion for hardwork, again.

That's why I never get tired of reading, listening and learning.

I won't give up

From now on:

1. See the good in people. No matter how much bad a person can get, there's always something good in him/her. Look at that. Focus on that. 

2. Reach out and help! Even the simple things can make a difference - may it be in school, the environment or anything under the sun!

3. Appreciate what you have. You have more than enough, never yearn for anything else.

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

-Jason Mraz

Through the years, when everything went wrong, together we were strong.

Time comes during duty, most especially in the ward, when thoughts of regrets and "should'ves" pop out suddenly. Being a student nurse isn't a joke - the case studies, concept maps, nursing care plans combined with endless video presentations for minor subjects and draining lectures aren't what you can call 'sisiw' ( as what others call it). The things we do are not simple OJTs like stapling paper on desks, typing, filing papers, dissecting animals or answering phone calls. You think thats hard? why not try taking care of 4 critically ill patients? standing for 8 hours without going to the bathroom or having even a sip of water? try rendering bed bath on a patient with contraptions all over while being shouted at by relatives? With all these sometimes you'd just want to pause and say 'i give up' or 'i can never see myself as a nurse..as in never!'

But what makes me continue? .. aside from the fact that, yes, i cant turn my back and i have no choice - it's the people's stories that gives me that push to work harder each day. When those moments that before entering your patients room, you hear the husband singing 'through the years' to her wife who has undergone multiple surgeries and has been lethargic and bed ridden for more than 2 months or those moments when your patient has right sided weakness and is at the verge of dying yet still makes an effort to grab your hand and say thank you with utmost sincerity or moments when a grumpy patient suddenly cracks a joke on you because he found out that he can go home to his family, moments when you find out that the patient who put so much burden on you yesterday requested for you today because you took care of him so well, or moments when a pregnant mother on labor says something like this "paghinahaplos mo ko nawawala yung sakit...parang may angel sa tabi ko" - moments like that are what I live for everyday. Those are the times when you say to yourself that hey! this is it! this is the profession I want. you see. Nursing was never about how fast you finished your charting or how good you were with monitoring vital signs...it was never about perfecting medication exams or who gets to do more procedures. Nursing is way more than that. Nursing is seeing the unseen blessings - it's seeing humility in a family nearing bankruptcy, it's seeing hope in a patient holding on to dear life, it's seeing Genuine Faithin rosaries tied around patient's wrists and it's seeing and feeling LOVE when family members sing to an unconscious patient knowing that he/she wouldn't be able to hear them but they still sing anyway.  Maybe those are the reasons why nurses are being paid low because in Nursing you get to see life's true treasure and beauty that no one ever gets to experience.

Beyond our knowledge and intense urgency to attend to our patients' needs is that overwhelming sense of compassion.

Nursing is enduring but endearing - mom :)

Signal Fire

I do believe that Highschool, no matter how sheltered I was back then from what the real world really is, was the turning point of my life. It was the time when i've been so inspired by the institution i study in to offer everything I have for others.  Highschool was the time when i'd cry just seeing pictures of poverty in Africa, it was  when I realized how important the environment is, It was the time that I felt so bad not using scratch papers for my notes, It was the time when i'd go in rage seeing mountains without trees, It was the time when discussing Les Miserables in class moved me to tears, it was when the existence of STEP BOX made me realize the importance and true essense of education and it was the time when my mind was opened to the fact that one has to hone his/her skills to make other people happy and not just for self fulfillment. Maybe it wasn't the same impact for all students, maybe it's just me. But until now I find our batch promise which is to PIONEER RADICAL CHANGE, a very important part of my life.

There's just really one thing I'm scared of - to become irrelevant. I don't want to become stagnant and remain stupefied by what other people think of me or by people's judgments. I know that i have so much capability to change the world and i'll never let people pull me down. I won't allow other people to control my way of life. People will always oppose your actions and tell you that some things are just not possible. Yes, people will always criticize you and some people will not even care but that shouldn't stop you from doing things you want to do. It's always scary to take the road less traveled by but sometimes going through that path can be one of the best decisions ever made.

So ever since graduation, I've always thought of ways on how I can pioneer radical change. But school seems like a hindrance to my plans and my to-do lists are just as traumatizing as always. Then again, radical change doesn't necessarily mean something big. Radical change is something that starts from within. So then I looked for something that will challenge myself.



It was just recently or a few weeks back when my friend asked me to join her party and run as secretary for the student council. At first I just wanted to run to support my friend and not for anything else. But through the process and all the hard work we've put into the campaign, I have finally decided to run for the reason that I want to challenge myself - and by challenging I mean, making a change...not just for my own but most importantly for others, for the students, for my school.

Maybe this is going to be the start. And no, I have not been elected but win the position or not, I am definitely going to be proud of myself even just for the fact that i took that opportunity to run for SC. I am honestly thankful for my bestfriend for pushing me and believing that I have the capability to become part of SC. I am grateful for Sev, Kamal, John, Migs and Abi not only for being my ka=party :)) but also for being a family whom I spent three consecutive Sundays with going to different places for our photoshoots (naks!). I am so blessed to have a section who  understood my sensitivity and supported me all the way. It's okay to lose because spending time with my friends and getting tired all day with them was truly worth it and knowing that there are people who believe in me - in my potential to lead and to make a change - is good reason enough to make me feel happy and appreciated.

You see, God is so amazing that when you try new things and accept life trials and take on more responsibilities...He makes it a point that through the journey you gain important people in your life. Because after all, people are what matter most- not positions, not money, not popularity or awards. You have to work hard not to aim for selfish ambitions because then life would be so empty. You have to work hard for people - that's why everytime I study or do things I always use the love of my family and friends as my inspiration.

So yes, maybe this is the start for me...to take on more challenges and take hold of more responsibilities. Elected or not, I am ready to pioneer radical change this coming school year or maybe I should start tomorrow :)

At 4am

I want passion for hardwork. I desperately NEED it at times like this. I don't want to dive in all my paperwork without having that sense of meaning and purpose. As a student, I want to accomplish all my to-do-lists not just like a robot but as a person who aims to become more and more equipped with knowledge and skills each day for the betterment of other people, not just my own. 

Sydney, remind yourself that your motivation is always to be able to give back to others and not for any personal rewards and recognition.

Ano ang dahilan?

I hope that time will come when the people and the environment in general would stop throwing jokes and insults to people who are crazy mentally ill. I hope that there will come a day when people will realize that not all mentally challenged individuals are capable of causing harm and injury to others. These people have gone through so much, so much to the point that even their own family members disown, neglect, hurt and put them to shame. Isn't it already enough that they have suffered in the hands of their loved ones? Is it their fault in the first place that they have lost contact with reality? Have we ever thought for a moment, before we ridicule them, that they are still human. So, why still prey on them? I really wish for people to break the chain of generalizing and stereotyping. And I dream that one day we can all open our hearts and minds to accept these people in our community. I don't even think we should be afraid of them. They're just some of the people who were played on by the cruelty of society. I think we should be more scared of our own thoughts and unrighteous judgment of other people.

I know that anxiety will always remain present but if we just give a little bit of our time to understand them, to listen to their life stories and give extra effort to touch their lives in the most simple ways...then i think we can appreciate their humanity and our own lives even more. Some of my group's patients in the hospital are victims of rape and abuse and it's so amazing how they've recovered from the trauma to the point that they have gained better insight and judgment of the world.

Also, its just astounding  how much my mentally retarded patient can stir more compassion in the heart of others than any of those people who call themselves normal. Sometimes, I wonder, who should we really consider crazy?

This post is dedicated to J.S., my patient, and all the other mentally challenged people.

The Fear You Won't Fall

It's been more than a year since I've been part of a school event and I'm not even entirely sure if I can handle all the tasks or if i'll end up alive after College Week but despite all the doubts and uncertainties... there's just this one thing I'm very sure of - I'm ready and excited to ride the roller coaster. I'm ready because I know there are people who are going to be with me, people who are willing to experience and face all the ups and downs of the ride. And sometimes, it's not even knowledge or willpower that you need in order to accomplish the things you need to do. Sometimes, you just need people.

*I really wish i could write more posts :(

One, Two, Three - Action

You are not your bra size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress. You are no amalgam of these things. You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries.

 

-tumblr

Christmas Eve

Whoops! I've been a very bad blogger! It's been more than 2 weeks since Christmas and I'm just posting about it today. 


Christmas is never about the expensive gifts, the lights and the food. Christmas, for me, is always about seeing life without struggle and appreciating everything you have for what it is. God has blessed me with so much... probably so much more than what I deserve and I cannot be more thankful for all the presents he has gifted my life with. And out of everything I have in my life I definitely know for sure that I cannot live without the most important people in my life - My family. I guess, they're everything that matter in my life. My ambitions, my life goals, , my passions, and my driving force in everything I do are all centered on them.

 

A Starry Christmas

This is a photo blog :)



 

All Photos from Venice Furio

Blogging at the airport

Im currently at the airport with my brother ( who just arrived home from Australia yesterday morning) waiting for the boarding time which is 30 minutes from now.

I'm updating my blog just to kill time so forgive me for the lack of sense or substance of this post.





So that's my brother taking advantage of the time to recharge himself because he hasn't had any proper sleep since saturday. i haven't slept as well and just 2 hours from now I'll be 24 hours awake.

Anyway, i need to get used to this no sleep all party lifestyle for the rest of the month. Im so excited for the 25th for our hollywood themed gathering but other than that I'm just looking forward to spending my holidays with the people I love especially that this is the second consecutive christmas that my family is complete! Yey!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

Basketball Girls, 2011

Through the little time we've shared together during practices every saturday, I never knew we could all be this supportive and trusting of each other. It's truly amazing how God chooses the most random people of unique characters in the world to make a certain group work as one.

Jazel, Mae, Tine, Janx, Ivy, Chez, Danielle, Arcee, Aya, Trixie and Princess - Thank You for everything. I've found another family to share memories with. I lalalalalove you all! It was a wonderful experience to have played with you guys. Ma mimiss ko mag suicides and 10 rounds ng jogging every saturday. Okay lang na hindi tayo Champions dahil next year... alam na :)



When's our inuman? :P

The reason

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Thank You Lord for all the little miracles you bless me with everyday. Thank You for staying by my side despite all the wrongs I've done. I love you <3

_________________________________________________________________

You're a nurse?? That's cool, I wanted to do that when I was a kid. How much do you make?" "HOW MUCH DO I MAKE??" I make holding your hand seem like the most important thing in the world when you're scared. I can make your child breathe when they stop. I can help your father survive a heart attack. I make myself get out of bed at 5am to make sure your mother has the medicine she needs to live. I work all day to save the lives of strangers. I make my family wait for dinner until I know your family member is taken care of. I make myself skip lunch so that I can make sure that everything I did for your husband today is charted. I make myself work weekends and holidays because people dont just get sick monday thru friday. Today, I might save your life. I make a difference, what do you do?" REPOST if you are a nurse or you love a nurse, And you RESPECT OUR WORK - Jap Servs

 

100%

Related Learning Experience - Skills Lab.

This is the very first time we're doing a 100% grade for our return demonstration of various nursing procedures. Last semester, they were okay with an 85% so during our first day orientation we were just in total shock to have known that if we do not get a perfect score we automatically take the remediation. We were all against it and even complained but what can we do? It was the new imposed rule. Something we can do nothing about. We were all pressured and there was even a point that i cried in school 3 times. Fortunately, I didn't have to take any remediations. Although, I really feel so much for my friends who had one mistake for the most mababaw reason because...memorizing checklists is never easy. It never is. I think that the clinical instructors should've been a little bit lenient during Ret. Dems.

Anyway, after all we've been through for 5 days of Skills lab. I have finally understood the essence of pushing the students to aim higher. It really is for our own benefit and nothing will really happen if we always complain and whine with all the changes that's been happening. We thought it was impossible to get a 100% but we did. And it's just amazing because a friend of mine who never studied so much for a Ret. Dem. started kicking his butt off and even got a 100%.

With all honesty, that was the first time again that I felt so good to have achieved something. I mean, it's not even something so  big or great but when you know that you did all you could and put all effort into something you really want - and you get it at the end of the day, even if you're dead tired and you feel like all your neurons have died - you feel so much happier and fulfilled.

“People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters; they will not allow life's circumstances to push them down and hold them under.” - anonymous

Hanging On

I will officially start my 3rd year, second semester tomorrow and with all honesty I'm not quite ready or prepared yet. It feels like the 3 weeks off I had from school wasn't enough to make up from all those sleepless nights and tiring duty days I had last semester. I am not fully recharged yet. I don't think my mind is even capable of memorizing checklists and listening to hours and hours and HOURS of lecture. Anyway, it's not like I have a choice...It's not like I can stop time or rewind life back to October 24th.

Okay, skip the negativity part.

Every new beginning, every fresh start of the academic year/semester, I always take into mind that I have to be better. I have to push myself harder to gain more knowledge regarding nursing so I can improve my skills and become not only a good and skillful nurse but also one who is compassionate, patient and caring enough not to let her laziness get in the way of her capability to help those in need. Because believe me, in nursing, endless monitoring of vital signs, admissions, bed bath, drug administration, utos-dun-utos-dito can make you feel like life is routine based and that idea of "being a hero to people's life" in the back of your head can just fall off with one snap. It's never easy to maintain these type of motivations ("nursing is a one-way ticket to heaven", "nursing is a rewarding personal endeavor", "nursing touches people's life in significant ways", "nursing is like being an angel on Earth beside a patient who has lost all hopes in living") behind my aching feet when I'm  busy caring for my patients. It's not everyday I get hopeful. It's not everyday (no matter how many times I impose to myself, to my brain, to my heart) that i get very eager to help people. I admit - I try everyday to be the good and loving person that I really am but there are just days when loads of work pile up and you forget to be
human
humane.

I never really become the person I always expect myself to be. Everytime na lang i list down the things im supposed to do - nothing happens. The moment I step in class, everything's gone in an instant. I can't be that student who can sit still and listen attentively to a four hour NCM lecture. I can't be that student who takes minor subjects as if they were majors. I slack off, i procrastinate, I cram, I find things useless, I find lectures boring, I sleep in class, i don't study BIG TIME for short quizzes (well, not ALL the time), I play fruit ninja while my classmates are reporting --- yeah, that's basically how my life as a nursing student is. And no, I didn't just list those down to show you that i'm proud because im one of those I-DONT-STUDY-YET-I-GET-HIGHER-GRADES-THAN-THOSE-PEOPLE-WHO-STUDIED-AND-WASTED-THEIR-TIME-LISTENING-TO-LECTURE-WHILE-I-WAS-SLEEPING-AT-THE-BACK-OF-THE-CLASS type of student. I listed all my faults as a student because I am ashamed of what i've become.

I've been constantly asking myself, what if I continued to be the student that i was back in first year college? Will I be as happy as I am now? or will I be as contented as I was before?

Without the intention to brag and i do hope that you don't get the information in such a way - out of the 5 semesters in college, I've been on the dean's list 3 times. It's a wonderful thing, y'know, to have all your hard work paid off at the end of the day. But everytime I look at my report card, I ask myself "Am I proud? Am I genuinely happy?" For some reason, deep inside - I never was. And that continually bothers me. Okay, maybe at one point I was and that would be during my first semester in college because I know (and my college friends know) that I kicked my butt off and worked tirelessly and poured all my strengths in studying. And at that moment when I saw my name on the list even though i was like...at the bottom part of the list -  HELL, I WAS A DAMN PROUD NURSING STUDENT. :)

And i want that feeling back. I want to be sincerely, profoundly and genuinely, genuinely genuinely HAPPY for all things i've done - without regrets and "what ifs".  I want to be eternally thankful for all those moments i decided to study instead of trashtalking people behind their backs. I don't want to be congratulated for something I didn't sincerely devout myself in. I'd rather get low grades for things I know I worked hard for than get empty achievements in life and praises I know for myself I never deserved from the beginning. Because, it's okay to fail. It really is. And this has been said a million times but you just gotta stand again and prove to them there's more to you than failure...that you're a better human being than they are. That you're so much more worth it. 

I really don't know how I'm going to regain back my old studious self ... I don't know how i'm going to relive my old values which I clearly promised to live by forever ( not forever, unfortunately).

Well, anyway. I was trying to remember what motivated me to study so hard before. For the past 2 semesters I've always put into mind that everything I do will not be for me, but for others. However... that didn't seem to motivate me as much. Maybe due to the lack of clarity. For "others" - but who?

A bond paper is posted on my wall that says "When you work, you always use the happiness of the people you love as your motivation - never for the awards or people's praises"

So to the people I love - my sister, my brother but most importantly to the two people i owe my whole existence to, my parents - This semester, Every hard work and every inch of success will be dedicated to you. My motivation for this semester will be centered on you. So that everytime I slack off - i will think of all the sacrifices you guys have done for me, for all those days you have worked tirelessly in order to send me to school. As of now, I have no capability of producing enough money to make you travel the world or to repay you with all the great things you've blessed and shared with me. So this is all I have to offer - sense of responsibility, passion and hard work.

Time is ticking much faster than we've all expected and I believe that aside from my studies and grades, there's also another thing I want to promise - Visibility. I want to be "visible" to my parents. To have my physical presence with them whenever they're home or when we're together. I need to stop spending too much time in my room and living in social networks. I need to spare time for my parents. I need to love them more. I need to show them genuine love through the little efforts I make. After all, life is not about the big things, it's about the little small things that mean the world to you.

*sorry for the long post! :)

The Constant Battle

There's just something that's been bothering me for the last 8 months. I keep asking myself, what if I said things differently? what if I accepted? What if I didn't care about the world for a minute and just let things remain the way they used to be?

*photo from tumblr

Tonsillitis, cough and colds

so much for the last few days of sembreak :( I was supposed to attend my 6am basketball training and 12pm volleyball tryouts but when i woke up this morning my body just felt so tired and my throat was just painful as hell. Couldn't even swallow my own saliva okayy :(( So, goodbye volleyball :(

I Wasn't able to go out of the house and check the 2012 Starbucks planner but my sister has already blogged about it! Check her blog at venicefurio.blogspot.com
Hoho! They look nice but im not sure if i can get em because im saving up money for Christmas. :)

Anyway, that was just a short post before i go to sleep. Hopefully everything will be okay tomorrow. I really hate having colds. I mean, tonsillitis - tolerable, colds - What-the-hell-so-itchy-sneeze-here-sneeze-there-apply-vics-more-vics-blow-nose-drink-water-lozenges-everywhere-tissue-all-over-cant-breathe-teary-eyes-headache-asjhskeinehckmalaiendji!!!!!! :((