Time comes during duty, most especially in the ward, when thoughts of regrets and "should'ves" pop out suddenly. Being a student nurse isn't a joke - the case studies, concept maps, nursing care plans combined with endless video presentations for minor subjects and draining lectures aren't what you can call 'sisiw' ( as what others call it). The things we do are not simple OJTs like stapling paper on desks, typing, filing papers, dissecting animals or answering phone calls. You think thats hard? why not try taking care of 4 critically ill patients? standing for 8 hours without going to the bathroom or having even a sip of water? try rendering bed bath on a patient with contraptions all over while being shouted at by relatives? With all these sometimes you'd just want to pause and say 'i give up' or 'i can never see myself as a nurse..as in never!'
But what makes me continue? .. aside from the fact that, yes, i cant turn my back and i have no choice - it's the people's stories that gives me that push to work harder each day. When those moments that before entering your patients room, you hear the husband singing 'through the years' to her wife who has undergone multiple surgeries and has been lethargic and bed ridden for more than 2 months or those moments when your patient has right sided weakness and is at the verge of dying yet still makes an effort to grab your hand and say thank you with utmost sincerity or moments when a grumpy patient suddenly cracks a joke on you because he found out that he can go home to his family, moments when you find out that the patient who put so much burden on you yesterday requested for you today because you took care of him so well, or moments when a pregnant mother on labor says something like this "paghinahaplos mo ko nawawala yung sakit...parang may angel sa tabi ko" - moments like that are what I live for everyday. Those are the times when you say to yourself that hey! this is it! this is the profession I want. you see. Nursing was never about how fast you finished your charting or how good you were with monitoring vital signs...it was never about perfecting medication exams or who gets to do more procedures. Nursing is way more than that. Nursing is seeing the unseen blessings - it's seeing humility in a family nearing bankruptcy, it's seeing hope in a patient holding on to dear life, it's seeing Genuine Faithin rosaries tied around patient's wrists and it's seeing and feeling LOVE when family members sing to an unconscious patient knowing that he/she wouldn't be able to hear them but they still sing anyway. Maybe those are the reasons why nurses are being paid low because in Nursing you get to see life's true treasure and beauty that no one ever gets to experience.
Beyond our knowledge and intense urgency to attend to our patients' needs is that overwhelming sense of compassion.
Nursing is enduring but endearing - mom :)
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