3pm Thoughts

If you take the path the heart does not fully desire, where could it possibly lead you? It's a dangerous risk to take, don't you think? 

I have been BLOGGING and BRAGGING about how wondeful the nursing course is and IT JUST REALLY IS. But (yes, there goes the BIG BUT), the load of work and the ROI do not complement. Don't get me wrong here, Im not a materialistic person and i don't really give a damn care about one's social status or the amount of money you have in your pockets. It's just that - one way or another you'd be needing money that's enough to fend for the needs of your family and the future family (shoot, I know I sound like a 30 year old - but i'm graduating a year from now so I have the right, stfu). Nursing can't give you that in a span of 10 years ( overseas work aside), unless, of course, you tie the strings with someone rich or you win the lotto and whatnot. I like nursing and I have fallen in love with the course because it reflects the kind of person that I want to be. Being rewarded by people's mere 'thank yous' towards the work you do is good enough to make up for that sleepless nights trying to finish your case studies and care plans. I entered this course half hearted and along the way I must say that this course have made me a better person - a person who learned to love other people, even the complete strangers, as much as I love my own. I managed to see the beauty of SERVICE despite all the traumas and breakdowns it can give you. However, going back to the real topic (sorry, my thoughts are always all over the place), the thank yous and feelings will just give you a moment of completeness within you that's open for recall but... it can never sustain you. At the end of the day, you'll still need the money to live. And it's giving me this frsutration and disappointment that I have to rely on it to survive and to live the kind of life I have been dreaming of. I want to be a nurse with the extraneous variables out of the question but that's not gonna happen unless I live in a utopic world.  I am still having second thoughts not with the course but with the work i'm going to have after college and as i regret to say this - I'm still half hearted. I don't exactly know what lies ahead and I hate to say this but  I am afraid of the uncertainties and even the possibilities of this career. Right now I'm just doing the job that I'm supposed to do as a student though I have been really so tamad and grumpy towards the workload the past semester but I am trying to exert much effort in my studies. HAHA! amp! I'm on vacation for the love of the Lord!

It's not healthy for my brain to be without a stressor for a long period of time because thoughts like this rise to surface and I'm not comfortable with it.